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So, I live my pretend world with my lies and my fake emotions. So, what I’ve dreaded and been terrified of for years have all been a fabrication of my need for attention, for your approval apparently. This darkness that surrounds me is nothing but a made up fantasy of mine, as if I would ever want this burden to carry, this guilt that always looms over my shoulder, weighing me down, dragging me ever deeper into the earth. This sadness of unknown origin inside my heart and mind is just an excuse for myself for something that I don’t even know. My excuse, my lies, my fantasies, my so-called depression. All made up lies. All false and fake.
Well, here’s some truth for you. I wish I had never been born. I’m not worth all this heartache and headache. I’m not worth all this pain and agony. If I just disappear don’t try to find me, don’t even think of me. Just be glad, be happy that I’m gone and will never burden you again.
Here’s a truth for you. I’m sorry that I have survived this long. I wish I had taken my life that one cold night. Everything would have been aces for you now, wouldn’t it?
(Dead Poets Society, 1989)
Ancient moon priestesses were called virgins. ‘Virgin’ meant not married, not belonging to a man - a woman who was ‘one-in-herself’. The very word derives from a Latin root meaning strength, force, skill; and was later applied to men: virile. Ishtar, Diana, Astarte, Isis were all called virgin, which did not refer to sexual chastity, but sexual independence. And all great culture heroes of the past, mythic or historic, were said to be born of virgin mothers: Marduk, Gilgamesh, Buddha, Osiris, Dionysus, Genghis Khan, Jesus - they were all affirmed as sons of the Great Mother, of the Original One, their worldly power deriving from her. When the Hebrews used the word, and in the original Aramaic, it meant ‘maiden’ or ‘young woman’, with no connotations to sexual chastity. But later Christian translators could not conceive of the ‘Virgin Mary’ as a woman of independent sexuality, needless to say; they distorted the meaning into sexually pure, chaste, never touched.